我觉得马桶和外面的湖是连在一起的。

 

每次大风的天气，在厕所里都能看到马桶里的水面随着风声起伏。想来应该是风刮动湖面，湖水联通下水道，下水道通着马桶，带动着马桶里的水面。

 

风确实很大，刮得窗户呼呼的嚎叫，我甚至能听到某个小孩儿被这风声吓得躲在被子里难过的哭。

 

太久太久没有写东西了，可能前段写论文把东西都写完了。然后刚才去了一个朋友的博客，写的字都不成段，而是一行一行的，像诗的样子，读起来没头没脑的但却读出了韵律。突然想起王小波说的语言的音乐性，脑子坏掉了，没有一刻安静纯洁。

 

读到后来觉得有些像过去喜欢的某一种文字，就是读起来脑子会有点晕身体不适的感觉，有点像抽烟。读朋克时代和安妮宝贝什么的也有过这种感觉，不过今天读的比他们要纯净的多，要真实和清新一万倍，可能这个能减轻身体的不适。于是突然想到这样的文字肯定会很时髦，印成书会畅销，我脑子真的坏掉了，说明我商业性还是有的，可以告诉觉得我像个小孩没长大靠不住的人有个新的理解，说明我很社会化，不是一个乌托邦的人，不过自己很不喜欢这样，这是脑子坏掉的表现，不过...反正已经早就不纯洁了。

 

摘一段有点意思的话：

 

 

论文暂告一段落，算不上完成，歇两天。被老张要求回答问题，以前被傅明点过，对这类事情不是很热心，当时也没答，这次本着人道主义精神答一下，顺便对傅明那次表示歉意。不过我不会再点其他人，几乎所有的传递游戏、邮件都会死在我手上。

1. 2006你最开心的事是什么？

  忘了，难找最开心的把，天津，生日什么的....在阳台弹琴唱歌，还有寝室开演唱会...靳磊给我理发...等等

2. 2006年最难过的事是什么？

    选不出来，挺多的。

3. 2007最大的心愿是什么？

  拿学位，找工作，还有的不方便说。

4. 最大的心愿：

  没有，都挺好的。

5. 如果现在可以让你随心所欲去旅行，你想去哪？

  都行。

6. 你最满意自己身体哪个部位？与别人初次见面你会先注意他（她）哪个部位？

  没有，无所谓。 眼睛。 

7. 失眠过吗？你用什么办法对抗失眠？

   有过。屈服，失就失呗。

8. 会不会做饭？你希望你的伴侣（OR未来的伴侣）会做饭吗？

  会。 都行吧...会做最好，呵呵

9. 你最想做哪个动画片角色？为什么？

   小飞侠，因为这家伙会飞，方便。

10. 在你心中我是怎么样一个人？

  牛踏的人，我服你。

11. 如果可以重来，你最想改变的是什么？

  没什么想改变的，神有他的安排。

12. 觉得自己是个自恋的人么? 

  有点，谁敢说自己不是！

13. 爱人爱到怎样的程度才算是超过爱自己呢？

   不知道，两种爱不一样把。

14. 你理想的伴侣应该具备什么样的品质？

   善良 最好是神的孩子

15. 谈谈你最近在听的音乐吧：

   汪峰听一些，Bod Marley，还有史瑞克里面的那首Hallelujah.

16. 你会出于什么样的理由结婚? 或者出于什么样的理由单身? 

  自己确信了就行，昨天朋友说，对于这种事，如果有些不确定其实多半就是不想或没准备好。

17. 你是一个比较平稳的人还是可能作出一些出乎寻常举动的人？

  都是

18. 你计划什么时候结婚？ 

   没计划，这不是我说了算的，有了人再说。

19. 想象一下，十年以后你最珍惜的事物可能会是什么，工作，家庭，朋友，闲暇，学习的机会？

   家庭 。 现在基本上也是。

21. 你相信自己可以改变一切吗？

   不信。

22. 你还生活在过去吗？

  没人能生活在过去把，这是个无效命题。

23. 爱情中最重要的是什么?

   faith。

24. 道是何物？德又是何物？

  没分开想过，道德是基于自由意志能够被人选择的，神赋予的善良特性。基本是这样想的

25. 你对于永远的定义是什么？

    神就是永远

26. 大四毕业之后你想干什么？最留念的人是谁？如果有同学会，你会来嘛?

   想独立，真的。说不出。会。

27. 你最欣赏我的哪点特质？最讨厌我的哪个方面？

   坚持。没什么让我讨厌的

28. 06年度你心中最欣赏的人是谁？

    没有

29. 你最想定居的地方？

  不是很重要，国内。

31. 你觉得自己是偏理智还是偏感性？

  感性 不过理智的能力挺强的 不喜欢用罢了

32. 2007年有什么打算？

  打算没用，受太多因素影响，看清形势就行

33. 你觉得自己最大的缺点是什么？

   挺多的，说不出来最大的

34. 什么时候你会想到我？

   说不清，例如看不到未来的时候，想着能投靠你，一个星期能有两个晚上去你家跟你和靳磊吃个饭，就满足了

35. 你说一个女生美貌非常重要吗？

   不好说，很社会性的东西

完 

 

How incredible amazing God is. Today had beautiful experiences in his glory again. I am not the mad man with crazy shouting every day and saying every single tiny little thing is because of God. You will see why I wanted to share the story again.

 

Today has cell group meeting. I went to church, Simon and Anya went for a walk, so we went out together. The weather was very beautiful, not hot not cold, the cloud was so pretty and stayed in the sky peacefully. I felt a little bit not going to cell and wanted to enjoy the beautiful time outside, but I knew I wouldn’t, I thought for discipline that time, but after the great time in cell I knew it was because of God’s guiding. I went to the church, sat on the sofa facing to the window, sun light was shining on my face, I felt so rejoiced and comfortable. Then the cell began, today’s welcome question was, what your favourite toy is when you are young. A brilliant question. Everyone was in joyful memory of the childhood. Even Andrew who is quite serious normally (I know he isn’t though, some others might feel that: ) also had a pleasant smelling face I surely knew it was from the heart. Well, people might say that this is the normal happy moment people have, there is nothing related to God. It might be, but let me carry on.

 

One of the experiences touched me was worship. Not because the worship was good, since the worship was holden by me I shouldn’t say it was good, haha, but because the God showed his glory and greatness in this worship. The thing was like this. Monday Anna sent the message to me to ask me whether I want to do the worship. I replied that I will decide tomorrow. I did want to do but I really didn’t know what I should do. Then I prayed, ask God to tell me whether I should do and if I should, how? I didn’t know when God is going to answer me but I didn’t worry that much, to be honest I don’t know it’s because of I am faithful or forgetful. But in that night God had answered me. I was lying on the bed, suddenly I had an idea! I thought of the song I like very much, Thank You for Saving Me. I wanted everyone to write down their own “sin” or just weakness, and keep or burn or tear or throw away the paper, to remember that Jesus had already forgiven us and he is saving us. Got the idea, next thing is music. I only have the song in mp3 form, but the speaker in trinity room (the place our cell group meet) only can connect to cd player. But I didn’t worry about that. I told myself, God gave me the idea to do the worship, he will solve the difficulties, no need to worry. Then Tom told me he has the cd so we can play by the machine. See, I said to myself, God will help me and solve the problem really no need to worry. But today when I got there we found that the cd player was being used by others in another room. So what should we do? I didn’t know but I don’t know why I really didn’t worry. After the welcome, it was my turn to do the worship. We still couldn’t get the cd player. Suddenly I got the idea. We had piano in that room, and we had Sam! The thing turned out to be that Sam played the piano and we sang. In the sun set, peaceful quiet room, we sang also peacefully and quietly, “thank you for saving me, what can I say?” everyone is in the worship to our great God with the beautiful piano. The feeling was 13 times better than we were just sitting there and listened to the sound from cd player. I always think one saying, which touched me so much, God’s plan for you is even better than the best you can imagine. I really, indeed, exactly, precisely, absolutely and definitely experienced this saying today.

 

One more thing, when I was just arrived at the church, Susie asked me what dose it mean the words on my t-shirt, “world without stranger”. I said I don’t know. After coming back to my room, suddenly I realised that the theme we discussed in the cell was exactly the same! We reviewed some verses in the bible, which related to Jesus taught people to treat stranger well. God said to Abram all people on earth will be blessed through him. This is what the meaning of “world without stranger”.

 

Brilliant!

Various kinds of people keep asking, Atheist, theist, newish Christian and even old Christian, where is the God? “Where is the God? Where is the God? I can't see him.” Look harder, HE IS HERE!

 

Atheists don't believe God's existence; theists believe but don't know where he is. Christians sometimes can't see him either because of the faith is not strong. In many cases, people do see the God and his amazing works, but we don't believe or don't realise that. Sometimes we require God to show us his existence, saying, "God, if you are here, show me." But what do we mean by "show me"? What do we expect from God? Miracles? Yes, but what do we mean by miracles? Does it mean that let us find a suitcase of money from the street? Does it mean that making us meet a prince or princess and marry them? Does it mean that we can move one thing without touching it, or can see a shining angel in front of us? Of course God can do all these things and sometimes he does do them to people, like sending angel and supply the things people really need. But that’s not the point, God does things as his own purpose which can glorify his kind and good, but not entertains people or fulfils our weird self-centred will. What’s more important is, he did and is doing and will do the miracles everyday in our life but we can’t see or don’t admit them.

 

I have too many stories to share which exactly showed the amazing working God had done in my life. All of them are small things, not having great amount of fortune, not raising dead of my relatives, but still incredible and absolutely amazing, and moreover, those things are changing our life.

 

Last year one day, my flatmate Anya’s friend who lives in Leamington Spa called Anya and asked Anya to meet her. She is the student of a biology program which is not in the main campus and has to live in Leamington in private house so that she can be closer to her research centre. Her all classmates are English and unfortunately, not like other friendly English we had met, they are the snobbish ones and very proud, everyone speaks crazily fast and she cannot understand anything. She had no friend in class and lived in a house with amazingly thin wall, so she can hear every single thing happened downstairs and next door, which made her impossible to study and rest. The stress of the study, unpleasant working environment and horrible accommodation really drew her mad. She felt so depressed and sad. She didn’t talk to any single human being more than one week. She sent email to Anya saying she really needs to talk to a friend. We thought she probably might go to suicide if the bad situations continue. Anya decided to go and I went with her. We planned to meet at 4 o’clock in the afternoon. But our bus was late, when we got on the bus it was 4 30, the way took at least half an hour. When we got there it was 5 30. We were totally hopeless, no one will wait for the people who are one and half hours late. We got off the bus, she is not there. We stood there for 10 minutes, she didn’t turn out. We walked across several blocks and couldn’t find her. We walked around the whole area she was not there. We were so disappointed and worried. We really didn’t know what she is going to do without seeing us and with extremely depressed. Anya asked should we go back. I said I don’t know, maybe just walked a little longer along the street. And I began to pray, I said my Lord, please let us see her, she is in hard time she needs to see us, please save her. But I knew it’s impossible, I had been given up already actually that time. After the praying we just kept walking with eyes’ on the ground. Suddenly a girl cried out “Anna?” It was she! She said she waited for more than one hour and don’t know what to do, she said she just felt she couldn’t go back to that place otherwise she would be crazy, and just walked along the street knowing nowhere to go. I can’t say how excited and surprised we were! God answered me immediately, he would never give up his children those turn to him. I can’t even describe how great the Lord is.

 

Indeed, too many stories, too many miracles, in my essays writing hard time, in football playing, even today, several hours ago, God was and is keeping doing amazing miracles to us. Maybe people will say that those are only luck or coincidence. I will say yes dear brother, you can say that, but God has done too many those things to everyone everyday, we just don’t admit it or don’t even pay attention to it. You might say that I am using God to fit the explanations to the coincidences, but I would say maybe it’s you are taking coincidence to ignore God’s existence.

 

I felt and am feeling peace and secure in the glory of God. I know that he is just here, right here, surrounding me, so there is nothing can be worried about and afraid of. But I’m not saying my life will be perfectly good and everything will go well in the future. I’m very sure that I will lose faith, be disappointed, discouraged, afraid, worried, complained; just because I am just a human with lots of weakness, this is not finding excuses for my weakness, but knowing that we are not “something”. But I know God knows our weakness much better than ourselves, he will be merciful and understand and won’t give up any of us. He will be with us still and always, direct us, courage us, forever and ever.

 

晚饭后又逛到郑钧的博客，动机很低下，就是想看看骂战有什么新进展，却看到了郑钧的新歌奴隶努力的MV。

 

感觉是，郑钧怎么越唱越倒退了。歌词基本讲的是十几岁小年轻那状态的人刚步入社会的心气和迷茫，音乐...基本没什么音乐。乐队是一群清一色长发跳来跳去也看不清脸，台上所有人都蹦的欢，郑钧一个劲的甩头，“庞克”得很。这哪是郑钧，怎么和地下婴儿那样的一个群的了。台下是一群人演观众，从始至终就是在挥舞手臂，但总感觉那么麻木不仁，要死一样，镜头还老对准一个胖子，颇相我膘最厚的那个时候，想起一句话：“看到你无耻的样子颇有我年轻时候的神韵”。可能郑钧是开演唱会开上瘾了，沉迷上玩命的甩头和用高音。老郑，快四十的人了啊。

 

倒不是说四十的男人就不能留长发了，也不是说四十的男人就不能甩头不能唱歌音量在大点了，关键问题在歌本身。本来郑钧的变化还让人看着挺清晰，从“郑钧＝zj” 开始就能感到和以前的不一样，后来的“我们的生活充满阳光”，全是老歌，虽然都是翻唱，但感觉也还严肃，挺好。现在新歌出来不仅让人感觉倒退，还走样了，一副年轻小朋克的乐队风格，还是那种让人听了第一遍没什么欲望再听第二遍的样子。当然新专辑别的歌还没听过，不过就这首来看，大概是不会买了。专辑可能都有这特点，越出越不能买，许巍看似也没能避免了这趋势。朴树暂时还好，不过可能也因为他出的少，就两张，暂时还成。

 

听郑钧的应该有一些人是有一定岁数的了，听了十几年的肯定有，十几年又听到现在这状态，心酸的也肯定是有的。

 

PS,随眼瞟了一下这首新歌下面的评论，没几个人说歌的，全绞在郑钧和杨二车娜母的骂战里，你前世今生都没见过脏话在这都能见到。确实没劲极了。实在不该在吃饱饭之后看这些东西，怕忍不住吃的都浪费了，不对，任何时候都不该看这些东西，感觉“一夜回到解放前”。罢了。

 

晚上突然想起来，去逛逛博客。

 

老冀的看来还沉浸在“离人”那档子事儿上，人要走了舍不得又不想挑明，其实形势已经很明晰了，要死要活干罢，上次和阿颜好说歹说扯了一下午，不过人各有自己的行事方式，老冀的方式，不支持，但也能理解，仅祝好运罢。Cat的博客还是电影风格，我属于偶尔遇上个片儿浅显易懂的看看自己美一美，真的好电影还是不太敢染指，耐性也差，不想糟践了好电影，于是Cat的影评也看不完，看看几段扯感情的然后一块儿缅怀一下还不错。仨儿的博客厉害，一天更新三次（想来我今天也差不多这速度了），下一千字的还不写，每次基本上蛮有兴致的看上几段，然后开始串行，一般看到最后都是无言以对的感觉，所以也就不敢留言了，不过给仨儿留言的贼多，美女作家就是这效果。然后逛到郑钧汪峰的，这两人的地盘有半年没去逛过了，郑钧忙着应付杨二什么娜母什么车还有韩寒那点儿事儿，留言的一会儿劝架一会儿“郑哥”一会儿骂韩寒一会儿郑钧你丫伪摇滚什么的，韩寒的东西一片没读过，而郑钧不管伪不伪摇滚，两者我死也没想过会搭上界，这回开了眼界了。汪峰依然摆着美丽世界的孤儿的架势美着孤着，黏糊糊甜丝丝酸溜溜的文字依然难以完成全篇的阅读，看字不如听歌轻松，算了，费那劲，不过照片到让我想起一张碟的封面...

 

找到那张碟放进机子里，睡觉。

 

有段日子没见大胡的博客更新的，那个地方，是真想念。

转自一个朋友的博客，他也是转的，不知道原创是谁，几米？可能是。还有一个很可爱的故事，叫，我喜欢你，网上有，我把网址贴在书单里。 爱,有时候,真的不能去比较的...单纯最美..!! 故事发生在一个和寻常无异的夜晚......　　 　 小兔子要上床睡觉了； 它紧紧抓著大兔子的长耳朵，要大兔子好好地听它说 [猜猜我有多爱你？」小兔子问。　　 [噢！我大概猜不出来。」大兔子笑笑地说。　　 [我爱你这么多。」小兔子把手臂张开，开得不能再开。 大兔子有双更长的手臂，它张开来一比，说：「可是，我爱你这么多。」　　 小兔子动动右耳，想：嗯，这真的很多。　　 [我爱你，像我举的这么高，高得不能再高。」小兔子说，双臂用力往上撑举。 小兔子笑了起来，说：「我爱你像我跳得那么高，高得不能再高。」它跳过来又跳过去。 大兔子笑著说：「可是，我爱你，像我跳得这么高，高得不能再高。」他往上一跳，耳朵都碰到树枝了。　　 跳得真高哇－－小兔子想－－真希望我也可以跳得像它一样高。　　 小兔子大叫：「我爱你，一直到过了小路，在远远的河那边。」　　 大兔子说：「我爱你，一直到过了小河，越过山的那一边。」　　 小兔子想，那真的好远。它揉揉红红的两眼，开始困了，想不出来了；　 　 它抬头看著树丛后面那一大片的黑夜，觉得再也没有任何东西比天空更远的了。　　 大兔子轻轻抱起频频打著呵欠的小兔子，小兔子闭上了眼睛，在进入梦乡前，喃喃说：我爱你，从这里一直到月亮。」　　 噢！那么远，」大兔子说。「真的非常远、非常远。」　　 大兔子轻轻将小兔子放到叶子铺成的床上，低下头来，亲亲它，祝它晚安。 然后，大兔子躺在小兔子的旁边，小声地微笑著说： 「我爱你，从这里一直到月亮，再……绕回来。」

 

Watch the film the Passion of Christ, having a lot of feelings but can say none...

 

When I prayed or sang, saying thank you Lord for all the things you've done to us, for all you suffer for us, but i seldom really think what and how they are. But now I have a direct feeling and image bout this. I really don't feel we are worthy for him to do and have done these. Human are weak and selfish and ugly and sinful, i really don't think it's worthy. But for him, he feels it's worthy, how he loves his children. Once Andrew told me that for the Lord, people are much more important than Angel. I was so touched. Angel are so pure and bright and beautiful, but PEOPLE are more important and bear more love and care from him.

 

I am very sure about the love from God to people, but I don't really sure we are worthy, but since he did and does love us so much, we should share and hold and keep this love, unfailing love, forever and ever.

 

Lord Jesus, thank you.

 

从二月开始，就进入了一个变化的时期。

 

那会儿给朋友们预言的变化很多都实现了，以至于有人说“不会他妈这么神把”，是挺神的。不过四月是最后期限，五月初是开花结果的时候，所以该有什么不该有什么最晚四月就要显现了。可能这就是“四月物语”的由来，松隆子在这个时候去了新的学校，找到了武藏书店，找到了他。我也以为四月有“物语”来着，转眼间这就过去了。明天是四月的最后一天。这个四月就在论文中昏天黑地的过去了，到今天看到四月的尾巴，也还是什么都没有抓住。

 

既然过去了，就别再想了。

 

四月的最后一天怎么过？还有一片小论文，搞一搞，昏天黑地的也就又过去了...

 

Change the song. It's Let it be, but not Beatles, it's Nick Cave.

 

I don't really know when did Beatles write this song, the words filled with peace and wisdom, it doesn't like can be writen by the writer who said "We are more famous than Jesus". Maybe when they wrote this song, they had enough experiences and no longer the brainless youh. But still, until I listened to the one sung by Nicak Cave, I began to like this song.

 

"When I find myself in times of trouble

Mother Mary comes to me
Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be

In my hour of darkness She is

Standing right in front of me

Speaking words of wisdom

Let it be"

 

Yes it is, just let it be...

 

首先我声明自己是AC米兰的球迷。

 

其次真诚的祝贺国际米兰赢得本赛季意甲冠军。

 

不管人们认为今年意甲如何特殊，尤文图斯不在意甲，AC米兰遇到种种麻烦，等等，争论说多无益，我依然认为国米确实经历了一个伟大的赛季。国米的冠军来自于国米本赛季出色的表现，极其稳定的状态，这是不可否认的事实。即便是过去的尤文和状态正常的米兰，在对阵其他变化并不大的球队时的成绩和稳定性都没有今年国米这样出色，这点没有疑问。

 

只是一个细节让我想起一些东西，并不是想要给国米泼冷水或者因为米兰本赛季成绩不佳而眼红，只是一点真实想法而已。这个细节关于大国米时代。在新浪的网站国米夺冠专题的视频主页，标题是梦回大国米时代。虽然只是一家媒体的态度，但我相信很多国米球迷也是这样想。这让我想起一个情节，不记得是哪一年，前几年吧，国米就出过一个VCD，好像是庆祝夺得意大利杯冠军，坦率说那时此事成为一个不大不小的笑柄，因为国米在很长时间没有获得与其名望相符合得冠军了，仅仅一个意大利杯冠军也让这家俱乐部出一个专辑庆祝。这让人有一种对国米底气不足的感觉。换句话说就是没有王者气质，给点阳光就灿烂。尤文和米兰在这几年获得的荣誉没必要再提，只是他们都没有那样大阵势的庆祝过。今年国米得到意甲冠军，这个冠军的分量毫无疑问是足以显耀光荣的，这次出个什么DVD，纪念册什么的都不为过，可是大国际时代又被提出来。客观来说“大XX”这个称谓确实有点大，类似王朝之类。平心而论，前几个赛季的米兰，02－03夺得意甲冠军，03－04夺得冠军杯冠军，称谓米兰王朝我都觉得有些不妥，如果04－05赛季再来个什么才能有资格这样称呼，可惜被利物浦搅了局。真正的王朝在我印象中，本人看球不长见识不多，只有80年代末90年代初的米兰才算得上，当然其他俱乐部在不同的时候的王朝时期也有但我不清楚就不说了。一个王朝或者所谓“大”时代不是一次两次冠军就能成就的。冠军值得尊敬，更值得大肆庆祝，可是有的名称还是慎用的好。

 

当然我明白肯定不是所有国米球迷都觉得“大国际”了，相信所有的国米球迷都更希望在下赛季再夺得骄人的成绩，特别是冠军杯，但庆祝之余，头脑还是要冷静的。如果下赛季国米在复制一次本赛季的成绩，虽然如我上面所说哪怕连续两次冠军都难以称得上王朝，但如果真是想这个赛季一样得稳定，我都愿意尊称您一声大国际，可是这次确实也是多年来国米第一次，冠军让人折服，大国际就显得差点火。

 

本人身了了解此文的引砖效果，国米激进球迷的阵势我是了解的，说实话我无所谓，这些球迷不在真正球迷的考虑范围，有人扔板砖不要紧，反正不是米兰球迷，骂街扔砖丢的都不是米兰的人。只是希望在这的米兰球迷冷静一些，对别人不要求，自己人还是希望表现好的好。米兰球迷不是拿着啤酒瓶子晃来晃去骂街的那种型，也不应该，激情用在看球踢球上，下来思考的时候还是保持冷静，认同我的观点的，给国米道声贺，不认同的把网页一关说声去你妈的就行了，没必要对着骂街。谢谢。

 

最后再次说一声祝贺国米获得意甲冠军。

 

writing the third essay on global security. Need to write something in the break, I feel i have to...

 

In the essay I need to search some materials, read something about the armed conflict. Maybe I am really not suitable to study these stuffs, human rights, security, filled with arguements which can never help.

 

Read something about the incident happened at the begining of this year, Chinese police destroyed a terrorist training camp (the group is defined as terrorist group by United Nation) in Xinjiang. Some medias said it's counter-terrorism, some said it's voilation to human rights with the title of China kill Muslim...I don't want to analyse the incident again here, I don't want to make commets who is right who is wrong. No use of argument, they can only do harm.

 

Just the conflict reminded me the Ugyur I know in my previous university. What a group of nice people they are. A handsome boy Eny, looked like Maldini, play guitar in the band, continue the psot-graduate study with distinction grade. A Uygur couple always walked quietly on the campus, boy with long hair, before they graduated I had chance to took pictures with them. And once I passed a window after the evening study, a beautiful music played by guitar coming out, i stood out of the window and listen for very long time, after the playing, i clapped, a shy uygur boy smiling at me, I said it's beautiful, i love it so much, he shook hands with me and said thank you. And the beautiful girl Gulizbe and her boy friend, before the graduate i gave him my favourite Milan's team symbol. And one of the most beautiful views in CAU (China Agricultural University) is a group of Uygur students sitting on the grass playing guitar and singing. What a beautiful nation they are, love music, friendly, have great food, share most beautiful things in the world, why there are so many conflict between us?

 

The same I thought about Muslim.Why there are so many conflicts? What do people want? I don't want to argue who is right who is wrong in 9/11, many of the "just" people cry for the 3000 deads in the incident, will they also will cry for the people died in Isreal's tanks? I don't really know what's happened around the world. I only know the people around me, my kind-hearted cute lovely flatmate Nida, looked so preatty in the headscarf, my faithful classmate Amna, and my lovely Muslim Uygur friends. All these, all of them, all the beautiful things God showed me in my previous university, make me believe there is no one bad or evil because of nation, because of faith. What we missed and what we need is just a little love, a little peace and a little empathy. Only a little, that's enough for saving the world.

 

Sometime Amna asked me to pray for her, she said she needs the help from the Lord. I did, faithfully, sincerely. Maybe some Christians will not feel comfortable with this. I don't care. As someone told me, only HE cares count. I believe he does. I always said, My Great Lord, Although we are different in some ways, but we have the same Lord, please help them...

 

The same I remember the vicar in Iraq, the one doesn't preach but love. As a Christian one thing is vitally important, WWJD, What Will Jesus Do? I believe Jesus will not considered people as bad, people are equally wrong, he will only love...

 

God of all comfort

faithful and true

fall on your children

in your mercy...

 

As a law student, I am proud of my area, great rational holy career, now sharing some jokes to see how good we are.

 

A guy hijacked in a airport, the aircraft was filled with lawyer who supposed to attend a conference. The guy said, give me one million pound, otherwise I will RELEASE one lawyer every 15 minutes!

 

A guy with a crocadile went into a pub, he asked, do u sell lawyers here? The barman thought the guy is funny, with a crocadile and asking for lawyer, he decided to see what would happen, so he said yes we do serve lawyers. Then the guy said, ok, a beer for me and a lawyer for my crocadile.

 

In UK there used to be a tradition that lawyer ride bike as transport. One driver who doesn't like lawyer very much. Everytime he saw a lawyer with bike on the road he will try to move close to the lawyer and crash him down. One day he was driving on the road, followed by a priest. He saw a lawyer on the road on the bike, he wanted to knock him down, but when he was just about to do it, he realised that a priest was following, he thought it's nor good to do this in front of the priest, so he decided not to do it, and drived back to the right place, suddenly he heard the crash, he was amazed by it, thinking that I didn't do it how could it happened? Then he heard the priest shout, don't worry! I got hiim!

 

Several jokes seems not good for my career. Today talked with Patrice, a kind mature guy whom I like and respect very much, about the lawyer in Malawi. He said he doesn't like the lawyers in Malawi, although he is one of them as job. He said one thing he doesn't like is the lawyers in Malawi think they are the most wonderful thing ever in Malawi. I said is it the character of lawyer in Malawi or generally the lawyer in global south? Actually I should say generally in the world.

 

When I was in China as a LAW student, I felt very unhappy about some things, one of them is that some colleagues took law students as the saviours of Chinese people, if they have some "GIFT" in polity, such as chairman in student union, they will think themselves as the saviours of China. It seems as a law student we can do anything, we are the TOP class in the society.

 

I came to UK, I don't really know how thing change, maybe not. Now I don't need to claim I am a LAW student, because I have something more GREAT to say: I am a HUMAN RIGHTS student, WOW! This time, we think we are the saviours of the whole human beings! How great it is! I really don't know, I am not a saviour, I am a lamb with too many weaknesses. I don't really want to be a "human rights student"or"a human rights protector"or"a lawyer".

 

But the point is not what I will be but what I am, I am still a human rights student, because I still have quite a lot of essays to do...

 

Once I watched football game, Milan was dropping behind, i was so angry. Anya asked me will you curse the team against your team in a match? I said no. She said you are a good Christian.

 

Am I? What is a good Christian?

 

I am writing the essays, too little time left. But this morning a email from Andrew Weston make me think i have to stop and write something.(http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/live/articles/news/newscomment.html?in_page_id=1787&in_article_id=447312) It's link to a news on website. I opened the website, it's about a English vicar, Andrew White, in Iraq. The article is very long, I just  scanned over, at the end, i found some comments. One of them is from a Muslim in Iraq. He said he loves Andrew as many people in Iraq do, because he LOVES them as well. What impressed me most is, this Muslim said "He care for us it does not matter if we are Sunni, Shia or Christian. He does not even try and convert us."

 

So what is a good Christian? Not the one who prays and reads the bible every day, fasts two time a week, goes to church every Sunday. Not the one who gives 20% of the salary to the church. Not the one who always keeps talking about Jesus and wants to preach to everyone s/he meets. Not the one who successfully pulls five or even more people into church or MAKES them become Christian.

 

A GOOD CHRISTIAN IS THE ONE WHO LOVES PEOPLE FULLY BY THE STRENGTH, THE CONFIDENCE AND THE COURAGE FROM LORD.

 

The most important thing is LOVE. God is not the source of love, God IS love.

 

No matter who the people beside you are. Anglicant, Catholic, Muslim, Orthodox, Buddhist, Jewish, Confucian or atheist. Argument, critiques, conflicts and hate never ever make any sense, never ever make any helps. To argue with other people, i would rather keep in silence. Although I can't do that sometime, cause I am weak as well and sometimes people are not telling the truth that i can't stand, but, i should try very hard, wining in argument is not important, it has never been the POINT. What we really need is respect, understanding, empathy and LOVE.

 

This is one of the most important reason I became a Christian. I am a pessimistic person, my character is too tender. I study law but I never believe law can solve all the problems of human beings. I don't trust lawyer, media, economist and politician. The only way  for human being out of sad world is God, the method is Love.

 

Religion, human rights, polity, climate change, nuclear weapon, poverty, gender, historical responsibility, homosex, genocide, humanitarian intervention, international market, globel security...People are keep arguing too much and never stop, is anything going better? Yes, here here and there, but don't you notice more and more things are getting worse? Human are too self-conceit, some of them might accept God's existence, some even don't, but they all think they are LIKE God or ARE God! They are thinking or acting or existing like this.

 

Another tiring article( this one) coming out, these days I can't stop thinking these stuffs, I'm so tired i can't even sleep.

 

Finish in a Prayer: Our Great Lord, thank you so much for the LOVE you gave us through Jesus, and thank you so much for the nature of love you show and gave to you children. But please forgive your ridiculous and naive children. They don't mean to do all these, they are just too weak,  too blind. they are keeping finding the way to a better life but not wise enough, they choose the wrong ways. Please direct them, pleace let them don't fall into the meaningless argument any more, please give everyone peace in deep deep heart, please give them LOVE and teach them how to LOVE. My great great Lord, show your Mercy. Amen

 

今天写论文写倦了，停了下来，网上拉着阿颜扯了一通，也没什么正经事儿，哀叹青春呗。想到的到多，写不下来，青春麻，扯呗。

 

总结能力差，那些青春相关的名字记下吧，有的已经逝去不再来，有的还在但可能会流失，所以要努力保护好。只有名字，没有故事，故事都记在了时间里，无须赘述。现在开始，排名不分先后，除了第一个名字，剩下的排名不分先后，想到谁就写谁了。

 

胡子怡，蔡鸣聿，颜晓杰，李铀，高睿，冀旭峰，Kurt Cobain，Nick Cave，骆驼软包，陈弦，Che Guevara，朴树，郑钧，汪峰，Massive Attack，Gatsby，春上村树，张扬，许巍，燕京啤酒（这得说一句，太难喝了），Sonic Youth，陈绮贞，Beth，Crash，Tom Dickinson，Paolo Maldini，Kaka，地下婴儿，高晓松，中国农业大学，何群，刘晓露，音乐天堂，朋克时代，左小祖咒，张楚，何勇，Radiohead，Paul Simon & Garfunkel，Transporting，小王子，任加凤，根据地酒吧，北京展览馆，西山 熏，靳磊，黄艳，深圳书城音像部柱子下面的角落，维特根斯坦（Ludwig Wittegenstan），尼采，罗素，王小波，可口可乐，美津农球鞋，神内小花园，小马拉面，烤串，米歇尔 福柯，深圳沙头角海边，李海城，汪树栋，黄舒骏，富士宫市农场，东京樱丘，苏州同里，旧教，五道口服装市场，天津阿里巴巴，六里台，新餐二楼江南风味，青木瓜，深圳高级中学教学楼C座天台，死亡诗社，宫琦俊，maze，PPStream，农大图书馆路的第一棵银杏树，金山岭野长城，农大主楼61X（61几忘了，在那儿写检查来着），中关村天桥上的乞丐，东门中打口店，张玉学，体坛周报，任大鹏...

 

实在想不起来了...就这样吧

 

 

撤下Nick Cave 的God is in the house， 换成还是nick cave的into my arms。好歌，不多说什么了，适合男女青年。

现在非常论文时期，祷告的弟兄姐妹帮我代祷一下，不祷告的祝愿一下吧...谢谢。

 

Change "God is in the house" to "Into my arms", still Nick Cave. Say no more.

Pray...

 

今天看米兰的新闻，看到对因扎吉的访问。谈到了关于他的未来，这点其是我不是很看重了，他说他会在米兰退役，这当然好，但即便最终无法实现转会去了别的俱乐部，我也能理解。更让我感触地是，他对米兰6年的回忆，又提到2003年的冠军杯，2003年，老特拉福德，翩翩少年，白衣如雪。

 

新闻看到那儿，我又打开收藏的02－03冠军杯米兰夺冠的纪录，看了决赛的highlight和点球大战的过程。因扎吉激情依旧，自不必多说，再次让我感触的是舍甫琴科。那时候的舍瓦一头短发，简单而质朴，两眼中除了坚定便没有别的杂质，单纯执著，仿佛少年。点球大战中关键一球，他站在罚球点前，两眼瞪得浑圆，然后起跑、出脚、触球，没有停顿和犹豫，冷静的将球罚进，然后是狂喜。舍瓦奔向迪达，后仰倒下的经典画面不知被多少球迷永久收藏。

 

那时侯的我刚刚认识了米兰，可是还没有开始看比赛，于是那场比赛没有经历直播，但之后每次在回顾录像都像在经历现场，都像在经历一场未知的比赛，握紧双拳，一样的担忧，一样地狂喜。自己真正经历的冠军杯决赛是04－05赛季，伊斯坦布尔。简陋的出租屋，还凑合的彩电，米兰3比0领先，利物浦追平，点球，茫然，想哭却哭不出来酸楚中睡去。第二天依然倔强地穿着米兰球衣走在校园，在我心里米兰没有输过…那场比赛中，舍瓦的头发已是一个成熟男性的样式，清新而整洁，而点球大战中他站在罚球点上的态度也已经是一个成熟男性的样子。外表坚定而冷静，内心却负着沉重的压力，名誉，世界顶级射手，而不单纯是对冠军的渴望，起跑，停顿，犹豫，掩面，表情木然。

 

捧得欧洲金球奖的时候，舍瓦有一头翩翩中长发，潇洒帅气，我心里却一直喜欢那个短发的舍瓦，少年的舍瓦。

 

如今的舍瓦已在英国，并没有因为他离开米兰而对他的感情有所变化，但也并没有因为和他处在同一个国度而感觉幸福。今天重看03年的录像，第一次如此想念舍瓦，即使他离开米兰的时候，虽然不敢相信，但也没有如此想念。我的想念并不是因为米兰没有了他而实力大减，只是因为那逝去的少年。

 

现在的米兰还有卡卡，一个更为纯净美丽的少年，一个每次进球首先想到的是双手高举赞美耶稣的少年。然而却不知道在卡卡三十岁的时候，是不是会留起成熟的发型，会不会眼中多了稳重而少了坚决，会不会疲惫犹豫…会不会年少依旧。

 

翩翩少年，白衣如雪。